juchepresident:

i hope rick santorum goes over to his best friend’s house to play mario kart 64 but his friend won’t let him play as player 1 and makes him play on the crappy controller with sticky buttons and against all odds rick is ahead on the third lap of rainbow road and about to pull off a major upset victory when in the last three seconds of the race his friend (who is playing as toad) hits him with a red shell to take first place